Six long years ago, in the summer of 2010, I packed up my life in New York, bid farewell to friends & family (in the hope of never returning to US) and moved to India for good – to start a new chapter of my life – MARRIAGE!
It was late December 2009. I was enjoying Christmas holidays at school in NY. My Dad, who was in Delhi, used to spend entire days pouring over newspaper’s matrimonial sections. One fine day, he came across this ad in the newspaper.
My Dad read this ad and asked to me send an email at the given address. I, like a good daughter, obliged.
And we exchanged our pictures over the email.
Knowing each other
After around 2 months of constant chatter over Skype, I had a good idea that this is it. My search for a perfect guy was over. But, how do we meet ? CD was in Bangalore, My Dad was in Delhi. Me and My mom were in NY.
Engineer to the rescue – CD arranged the first family meeting through CISCO Telepresence with me and my mom being in NY and he and his family in Bangalore. It was an instant hit. !
A few weeks later we decided to get engaged! I flew to India and was excited to see CD in person for the very first time!!! It was his shy smile that took my heart away and still does 🙂
February 14, 2010 – We got engaged !
Work commitments and job didn’t let me stay in India for long and I returned, with a few memories – but they were enough to hold me until July 25 2010 – The WEDDING Day!
It was a great wedding, beautiful dresses, delicious food, everyone was happy and we were MARRIED!
Fun Starts NOW
The Married Life ! And now, the real test began!
CD and I belong to the same culture, hold similar values – so it was pretty obvious – that it will be easy to adjust! (Ha! Humor me!)
The transition from being completely independent in NY to being married in a joint family was surely not easy.
So, How did we make it work?
Here’s my take on what made our marriage so successful:
You got to trust your partner – it goes without saying. No matter how BAD it looks, you need to trust that eventually your partner will do the right thing.
At its core, love is a decision to be committed to another person. It is far more than a fleeting emotion as portrayed on television, the big screen, and romance novels. Look after each other as best you can: if you want to grow old with your partner you have to make sure you always look after each other in every shape and form. Whether it is making a meal, holding your partners hand when crossing the road or being a shoulder to cry on when something goes wrong.
We all have weaknesses and relationships always reveal these faults quicker than anything else on earth. An essential building block of a healthy marriage is the ability to admit that you are not perfect, that you will make mistakes, and that you will need forgiveness. Be tolerant of each other: everyone has bad habits or annoying traits. Whether it is leaving a wet towel on the bed or listening to the radio too loudly, you have to tolerate each other and realize that no one is perfect.
Because no one is perfect, patience and forgiveness will always be required in a marriage relationship. We are practicing to humbly admit our own faults and do not expect perfection from their partner. We TRY to not bring up past errors in an effort to hold each other hostage. If you are holding onto a past hurt from your partner, forgive him or her. It will set your heart and relationship free.
5. Shutting up
More like he learnt this trait very well. !
Relationships don’t work without time investment. Never have, never will. Any successful relationship requires intentional, quality time together. And quality time rarely happens when quantity time is absent. Set aside time each day for your spouse. For us, its after G sleeps. But we established his schedule, so that he goes to bed early so we can spend some time together.
Spending time also means, giving each other space – to be comfortable in their own zone.
However, even with all this, there were times, when I literally went for this throat – with both hands
And worse – Public humiliation !
7. Hard Work
Making a marriage succeed is certainly hard work – just like pulling a cart – you both need to pedal in the same direction & with conviction that the cart will move
8. Slot Machine
Marriage is a like gambling – but with hard work, you improve your odds of winning !
In the end, it has been beautiful SIX years of togetherness – with lots of white, black & more than 50 shades of gray in between 🙂