SIX

 

Six long years ago, in the summer of 2010, I packed up my life in New York, bid farewell to friends & family (in the hope of never returning to US) and moved to India for good – to start a new chapter of my life – MARRIAGE!

The advertisement

It was late December 2009. I was enjoying Christmas holidays at school in NY. My Dad, who was in Delhi, used to spend entire days pouring over newspaper’s matrimonial sections. One fine day, he came across this ad in the newspaper.

 

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CD’s Matrimonial ad in the newspaper

 

My Dad read this ad and asked to me send an email at the given address. I, like a good daughter, obliged.

And we exchanged our pictures over the email.

The Guy

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Picture CD sent to woo me

 

The Girl

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Picture I sent to woo CD

 

Knowing each other

After around 2 months of constant chatter over Skype, I had a good idea that this is it. My search for a perfect guy was over. But, how do we meet ? CD was in Bangalore, My Dad was in Delhi. Me and My mom were in NY.

Engineer to the rescue – CD arranged the first family meeting through CISCO Telepresence with me and my mom being in NY and he and his family in Bangalore. It was an instant hit. !

Engagement

A few weeks later we decided to get engaged! I flew to India and was excited to see CD in person for the very first time!!! It was his shy smile that took my heart away and still does 🙂

February 14, 2010 – We got engaged !

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We are engaged. !

 

Marriage

Work commitments and job didn’t let me stay in India for long and I returned, with a few memories – but they were enough to hold me until July 25 2010 – The WEDDING Day!
It was a great wedding, beautiful dresses, delicious food, everyone was happy and we were MARRIED!

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Just Married. !

 

Fun Starts NOW

The Married Life ! And now, the real test began!

CD and I belong to the same culture, hold similar values – so it was pretty obvious – that it will be easy to adjust! (Ha! Humor me!)
The transition from being completely independent in NY to being married in a joint family was surely not easy.

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I felt like this – where did I put my head. !!!

So, How did we make it work?

Here’s my take on what made our marriage so successful:

1. Trust

You got to trust your partner – it goes without saying. No matter how BAD it looks, you need to trust that eventually your partner will do the right thing.

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It can’t get worse than this, but we survived. !

 

2. Love

At its core, love is a decision to be committed to another person. It is far more than a fleeting emotion as portrayed on television, the big screen, and romance novels. Look after each other as best you can: if you want to grow old with your partner you have to make sure you always look after each other in every shape and form. Whether it is making a meal, holding your partners hand when crossing the road or being a shoulder to cry on when something goes wrong.

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Love is being deeply connected !

 

3. Humility

We all have weaknesses and relationships always reveal these faults quicker than anything else on earth. An essential building block of a healthy marriage is the ability to admit that you are not perfect, that you will make mistakes, and that you will need forgiveness. Be tolerant of each other: everyone has bad habits or annoying traits. Whether it is leaving a wet towel on the bed or listening to the radio too loudly, you have to tolerate each other and realize that no one is perfect.

 

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He grew humble as he got more & more of this

 

4. Forgiveness

Because no one is perfect, patience and forgiveness will always be required in a marriage relationship. We are practicing to humbly admit our own faults and do not expect perfection from their partner. We TRY to not bring up past errors in an effort to hold each other hostage. If you are holding onto a past hurt from your partner, forgive him or her. It will set your heart and relationship free.

 

 

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Forgiveness feels like Free like this. !

 

5. Shutting up

More like he learnt this trait very well. !

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Keep your mouth SHUT. !

 

6. Time

Relationships don’t work without time investment. Never have, never will. Any successful relationship requires intentional, quality time together. And quality time rarely happens when quantity time is absent. Set aside time each day for your spouse. For us, its after G sleeps. But we established his schedule, so that he goes to bed early so we can spend some time together.

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Bunking work to spend time together in SF

 

Spending  time also means, giving each other space – to be comfortable in their own zone.

 

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CD at Yosemite – hiking with friends

 

However, even with all this, there were times, when I literally went for this throat – with both hands

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Went for the kill. !

 

And worse – Public humiliation !

 

7. Hard Work

Making a marriage succeed is certainly hard work – just like pulling a cart – you both need to pedal in the same direction & with conviction that the cart will move

 

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Pulling the cart of marriage

 

 

8. Slot Machine

Marriage is a like gambling – but with hard work, you improve your odds of winning !

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Marriage – Slot Machine. !

 

In the end, it has been beautiful SIX years of togetherness – with lots of white, black & more than 50 shades of gray in between 🙂

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The perfect couple. ! CD & me

 

 

 

Just LET it GO!

Below is my second Toastmaster speech. Speech Number 2 – Organize your speech.

The main objectives for this speech are:

  • Select an appropriate outline which allows listeners to easily follow and understand your speech.
  • Make your message clear, with supporting material directly contributing to the message.
  • Use appropriate transitions when moving from one idea to another.
  • Create a strong opening and conclusion
Time: Five to seven minutes:

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I am going to start the way as a psychologist once did while teaching stress management to an audience.

How heavy is this glass of water?

(Wait for answers)

The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.

According to Eckart Tolle, “We create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.”

15 years later also I remember that one time when my grandparents made my mom cry. It’s like a reel in my mind playing again and again and again reiterating that one day. And its been 15 years that I haven’t talked to them. I have talked to them physically, but not emotionally. That emotional connect is missing.

Am I trying. Yes I am. Am I trying hard enough. May be not.

I am not trying hard enough to JUST LET IT GO!

So how do you let things go?

I am certainly not expert at this but here are few tips that have made it easier for me to let go.

  1. Ask yourself helpful questions. Questions like: is this helping me or is it just some nonsense or something I’m reliving from the past? Or am I clinging to it because it’s what I have known for such a long time and it seems comfortable and safe even though it is holding me back?
  2. Give up “being right”. Realize that you may cling to things because they might make you feel right as you replay an argument or conflict over and over in your mind. It gives you a certain sense of satisfaction as the other person is wrong. But you have to give up that kind of satisfaction to move on.
  3. Let it go if it shows up again. In my experience it’s pretty common that what you let go shows up in your thoughts again. And that’s ok. Just let it go each time it shows up. After a while hopefully it will stop showing up.

We carry with us a lot of stuff. Not in our hands perhaps. But in our minds. It can become like we are carrying half the world on our back. Not very helpful. So we need to let go of things. Not only to move lighter and more freely. But also to be able to fully move forward in life.

To conclude I would like to quote Lao Tzu –

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be”

Unconditional Love


Unconditional Love
Till now whenever I thought of unconditional love I thought of it as this enormous, all-powerful, endless love that a mother has for her children. This eternal supreme love that my mom has for me and I have for Guransh.

Until this Morning.

Me and Guransh (my 21 month old) were having fun playing with his newly bought drum set, until he decided to play his drum sticks on my arms. After asking him to stop multiple times, I got really annoyed and mad at him and got away from him.

But he didn’t get away from me. He got even closer. Tears were flowing through his tiny shiny eyes. Arms asking me to carry him. And he was saying just one word repeatedly “Mumma”

Why was he not going to his dad cause his mom is mean? Why was he still trying to get close to me? Why was he telling me to carry him even when I just scolded him and made him cry?

And then I realized, it’s the Unconditional Love that everyone talks about. The type of love where blaming, anger and frustration doesn’t exist. It’s the love of innocence where you don’t have to try hard to forgive others.

When a baby is born, the parents don’t look at that baby and say, “We’ll only love her if she gets straight As (preferably A pluses), is beautiful, dresses well, is tidy and polite, excels at sports, and attends an Ivy League kindergarten.” No, they love the baby because she exists, because she’s a miracle, because she’s here.

Love doesn’t come with conditions, and if its conditional then it’s not love.

It’s a privilege to be a parent!

Photography – Capturing Moments!

CD has always liked photography. He loves to try out new compositions, new angles, lighting etc.

Me – Not so much

But, when we were planning for Vidya’s Baby Shower and they asked me to capture the moments. I was like, “Sure, Why Not!”

Never thought that I will actually enjoy this new role of being a photographer – capturing emotions, expressions, excitements …

I took over 500 pictures that day! And they turned out to be pretty good – I mean no faces cut, people in focus, and good lighting.

Of course, there is a lot to learn. But I am happy that I discovered a new interest of mine – Photography

Isn’t that what life is all about – Discovering Yourself!

Sharing some of the cherished moments 🙂

The proud Mom-to- Be

Mommy and Daddy

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Buddies Forever – Getting ready to perform on Chaar Kadam – It was an awesome performance 🙂

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IMG_4786Another Performance by beautiful mommies! 

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What’s a party without food!

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The CAKE!

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Some more Candid shots and Poses 😉

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IMG_4760  IMG_4753   Finishing up with the Mommy-Gang 🙂

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