SIX

 

Six long years ago, in the summer of 2010, I packed up my life in New York, bid farewell to friends & family (in the hope of never returning to US) and moved to India for good – to start a new chapter of my life – MARRIAGE!

The advertisement

It was late December 2009. I was enjoying Christmas holidays at school in NY. My Dad, who was in Delhi, used to spend entire days pouring over newspaper’s matrimonial sections. One fine day, he came across this ad in the newspaper.

 

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CD’s Matrimonial ad in the newspaper

 

My Dad read this ad and asked to me send an email at the given address. I, like a good daughter, obliged.

And we exchanged our pictures over the email.

The Guy

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Picture CD sent to woo me

 

The Girl

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Picture I sent to woo CD

 

Knowing each other

After around 2 months of constant chatter over Skype, I had a good idea that this is it. My search for a perfect guy was over. But, how do we meet ? CD was in Bangalore, My Dad was in Delhi. Me and My mom were in NY.

Engineer to the rescue – CD arranged the first family meeting through CISCO Telepresence with me and my mom being in NY and he and his family in Bangalore. It was an instant hit. !

Engagement

A few weeks later we decided to get engaged! I flew to India and was excited to see CD in person for the very first time!!! It was his shy smile that took my heart away and still does 🙂

February 14, 2010 – We got engaged !

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We are engaged. !

 

Marriage

Work commitments and job didn’t let me stay in India for long and I returned, with a few memories – but they were enough to hold me until July 25 2010 – The WEDDING Day!
It was a great wedding, beautiful dresses, delicious food, everyone was happy and we were MARRIED!

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Just Married. !

 

Fun Starts NOW

The Married Life ! And now, the real test began!

CD and I belong to the same culture, hold similar values – so it was pretty obvious – that it will be easy to adjust! (Ha! Humor me!)
The transition from being completely independent in NY to being married in a joint family was surely not easy.

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I felt like this – where did I put my head. !!!

So, How did we make it work?

Here’s my take on what made our marriage so successful:

1. Trust

You got to trust your partner – it goes without saying. No matter how BAD it looks, you need to trust that eventually your partner will do the right thing.

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It can’t get worse than this, but we survived. !

 

2. Love

At its core, love is a decision to be committed to another person. It is far more than a fleeting emotion as portrayed on television, the big screen, and romance novels. Look after each other as best you can: if you want to grow old with your partner you have to make sure you always look after each other in every shape and form. Whether it is making a meal, holding your partners hand when crossing the road or being a shoulder to cry on when something goes wrong.

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Love is being deeply connected !

 

3. Humility

We all have weaknesses and relationships always reveal these faults quicker than anything else on earth. An essential building block of a healthy marriage is the ability to admit that you are not perfect, that you will make mistakes, and that you will need forgiveness. Be tolerant of each other: everyone has bad habits or annoying traits. Whether it is leaving a wet towel on the bed or listening to the radio too loudly, you have to tolerate each other and realize that no one is perfect.

 

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He grew humble as he got more & more of this

 

4. Forgiveness

Because no one is perfect, patience and forgiveness will always be required in a marriage relationship. We are practicing to humbly admit our own faults and do not expect perfection from their partner. We TRY to not bring up past errors in an effort to hold each other hostage. If you are holding onto a past hurt from your partner, forgive him or her. It will set your heart and relationship free.

 

 

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Forgiveness feels like Free like this. !

 

5. Shutting up

More like he learnt this trait very well. !

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Keep your mouth SHUT. !

 

6. Time

Relationships don’t work without time investment. Never have, never will. Any successful relationship requires intentional, quality time together. And quality time rarely happens when quantity time is absent. Set aside time each day for your spouse. For us, its after G sleeps. But we established his schedule, so that he goes to bed early so we can spend some time together.

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Bunking work to spend time together in SF

 

Spending  time also means, giving each other space – to be comfortable in their own zone.

 

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CD at Yosemite – hiking with friends

 

However, even with all this, there were times, when I literally went for this throat – with both hands

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Went for the kill. !

 

And worse – Public humiliation !

 

7. Hard Work

Making a marriage succeed is certainly hard work – just like pulling a cart – you both need to pedal in the same direction & with conviction that the cart will move

 

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Pulling the cart of marriage

 

 

8. Slot Machine

Marriage is a like gambling – but with hard work, you improve your odds of winning !

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Marriage – Slot Machine. !

 

In the end, it has been beautiful SIX years of togetherness – with lots of white, black & more than 50 shades of gray in between 🙂

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The perfect couple. ! CD & me

 

 

 

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Unconditional Love


Unconditional Love
Till now whenever I thought of unconditional love I thought of it as this enormous, all-powerful, endless love that a mother has for her children. This eternal supreme love that my mom has for me and I have for Guransh.

Until this Morning.

Me and Guransh (my 21 month old) were having fun playing with his newly bought drum set, until he decided to play his drum sticks on my arms. After asking him to stop multiple times, I got really annoyed and mad at him and got away from him.

But he didn’t get away from me. He got even closer. Tears were flowing through his tiny shiny eyes. Arms asking me to carry him. And he was saying just one word repeatedly “Mumma”

Why was he not going to his dad cause his mom is mean? Why was he still trying to get close to me? Why was he telling me to carry him even when I just scolded him and made him cry?

And then I realized, it’s the Unconditional Love that everyone talks about. The type of love where blaming, anger and frustration doesn’t exist. It’s the love of innocence where you don’t have to try hard to forgive others.

When a baby is born, the parents don’t look at that baby and say, “We’ll only love her if she gets straight As (preferably A pluses), is beautiful, dresses well, is tidy and polite, excels at sports, and attends an Ivy League kindergarten.” No, they love the baby because she exists, because she’s a miracle, because she’s here.

Love doesn’t come with conditions, and if its conditional then it’s not love.

It’s a privilege to be a parent!

Happy Jar – Keeping Joy In-tight

Happy Jar

I always say that time goes by too fast. Every. Single. Year. I no more keep a journal (No more time – one of the perks of being a mom), so at the end every fast moving year, I’m always stuck with wondering, “What happened this year?!?”

Of course, all the big memories are never forgotten, but it’s the little joys, the teensy things that tend to get forgotten. This Valentine’s, to start a new tradition of remembering the little joys all yearlong, I gave a Happy Jar to CD (my hubby dear) as a gift with some recorded cherished moments.

Materials Required:

Quart size Mason – you can find these at Michael’s craft store.

Paper – colored or white

Pen

Steps:

  1. Every day, think of something that made you happy. It could be something that happened that very day, but it could really be anything. Be truthful to yourself; the simpler things that delighted you are often the happiest moments.
  2. Write it down on a piece of paper. I have just kept some pre-cut paper on the kitchen counter along with the jar to make the job easy. If you can’t find a piece of paper, write your note on your phone. Send a text message or e-mail to yourself and remember to transcribe it later, so you can put a physical note in the jar.
  3. Make deposits into the happy jar daily. The idea is somewhat to use it daily but life can get busy and events intervene, so if you miss days, don’t be fussed; just pick it up from where you left off.
  4. Read the messages when life gets tough. This is the most wonderful part of using a happy jar. When you feel that everything is getting to you and that there isn’t much happiness in your life, take out a few of the messages and read them through. These reminders of the happiness that has been in your life and will continue to be present in your life will serve as a source of morale boosting. Your past happiness will comfort you and give you hope that there is more to come. It will also remind you that happiness is found in moments along the journey and is not a single destination with any defined point or actions.

I am sure that this practice will help me to become more aware of those happy moments and find a space inside of me where the difficult feelings can co-exist with the more joyful feeling.

Cheers!